Passive-aggressive Behaviour

Introduction.
Passive-aggressive behaviour can be felt as underlying tension or aggression. Generally, it is not communicated directly. Rather
"...the behaviour is indirect and sometimes covert. The person expresses feelings and thoughts about situations in a way that are often unhelpful. Instead of directly addressing the issue, tension or conflict, they'll resort to the behavioural tactics such as procrastinating, going slow or not completing tasks effectively. They may withhold information, be sarcastic or make subtle digs, and give you the 'silent treatment'. Inside, they harbour feelings of resentment and can feel injustice, dissatisfaction, mostly distant, and even hostility. Ultimately, their approach damages relationships and outcomes..."
Michelle Gibbings, 2024d
When confronting people about being passive-aggressive, they are likely to deny it and avoid accountability for their actions
"...they'll seek to excuse, deflect or blame others or feign 'nothing to see here'..."
Michelle Gibbings, 2024d
Possible causes
- defence mechanism (used to deal with a resultant complex by people who don't have the ability or willingness to express them, ie
"...they don't want to face uncomfortable emotions, so they use behavioural strategy to protect themselves..."
Michelle Gibbings, 2024d)
- learned behavioural trait (they have
"...learned from past situations that  directly expressing the emotions isn't acceptable and can lead to negative consequences..."
Michelle Gibbings, 2024d
Thus people can feel powerless to express themselves, ie their feelings, and fear the consequences of doing so.
"...taking a passive-aggressive approach can help them feel like they have some influence or more control..."
Michelle Gibbings, 2024d
Warning signs
Spotting these can be difficult as they can be subtle and/or indirect, especially if there is a lack of trust.
- lack of direct communicating of  dissatisfaction or concerns about issues (rather rely on gossip, hinting, back-channelling, sarcasm, etc)
- lack of accountability for actions (when things go wrong, they seek to deflect and/or blame others)
- actively undermine others in deliberately unhelpful ways (by spreading rumours, gossiping, etc)
- raise issues on a one-for-one basis (not in a group setting)
- seek to destabilise or subtly resist change efforts
Strategies to handle passive-aggressive behaviour
NB Hoping that passive-aggressive behaviour will go away will not work as a strategy.
- acknowledge what is happening
- address the behaviour directly in a non-confrontational manner, eg
"...you might say, 'I've noticed some tension, and unable to understand what is happening'..."
Michelle Gibbings, 2024d
- approach the situation with empathy (develop a safe environment for people to express their feelings and thoughts; need to realise that this behaviour is often a sign of underlies issues for stress)
- have a genuine desire to understand and resolve the underlying issues
"...Don't jump to conclusions about the cause of their behaviour and avoid labelling it. Telling someone you think they are being passive-aggressive will not help you shift the behaviour..."
Michelle Gibbings, 2024d
- be calm, professional, clear and direct
- offer specific examples of the concerning behaviour plus highlight the impact (rather than making general statements)
- offer support while simultaneously holding them accountable (this involves listening and working with them to help uncover issues and develop solutions)
- explore alternative, more direct and effective communication and problem-solving approaches (develop constructive feedback on better ways of expressing their concerns and dealing with conflict.
"...You might outline what transparent, progressive and constructive communications looks like while clearly communicating expectations about performance and behaviours..."
Michelle Gibbings, 2024d
- when appropriate, outline the consequences of this unacceptable behaviour, especially if it continues.
NB Generally this requires a series of discussions which cover the root causes and agreement on strategies to shift this behaviour. Also, create a supportive environment, ie
"...This environment is one where transparency, empathy, respect, and co-operation are valued, and team members support each other and hold to those agreed standards..."
Michelle Gibbings, 2024d