(Conflict Resolution cont. 1)

Dealing With Difficult People

Sometimes people can be stubborn, arrogant, hostile, greedy, dishonest, etc. For example
"...your boss can be collaborative and understanding most of the time but make unreasonable demands on a Friday afternoon..."
Susan Hackley, 2013

How do you handle this?

You need to say 'no' in a way that conveys your respect to him/her as your boss while maintaining a sense of self worth

Some strategies for managing difficult people:

i) build a golden bridge (allow your opponent to 'save face' and view the outcome as at least a partial victory, while at the same time standing up for yourself; this involves
"...reframing the problem so that you draw your opponents in the direction you want them to move..."
Susan Hackley, 2013

It means helping your opponent find a solution and giving them choices so that they feel that they are in control.

NB Realise that some of your opponent's needs may be unstated and you need to find out what they are.)

ii) listen to learn (be an active listener; it is a subtle skill that requires constant, thoughtful effort (for more details, see elsewhere in the Knowledge Base)
"...means not only to hear what the other person is saying but also to listen to what is behind the words......A good listener will disarm his opponent by stepping to his side, asking open-ended questions, and encouraging him to tell everything that is bothering him..."
Susan Hackley, 2013

You need to demonstrate that you understand what has been said by repeating it in your own words, ie
"...if you want him to acknowledge your point, acknowledge his(/her)  first..."
William Ury as quoted by Susan Hackley, 2013)

iii) you don't have to like them (
"...dealing with difficult people does not mean liking them or even agreeing with them, but it does mean acknowledging that you understand their point of view..."
Susan Hackley, 2013

iv) set the scene to reduce emotional reactions (remember
"...How people treat you is a measure of their character. How you respond is a measure of yours..."
Giorgia Murch, 2022d

Reactions that are not fruitful include

- blaming others for their emotional outbursts (usually only makes the situation worse)

- avoiding the conversation to avoid the emotional reaction (usually the issue doesn't go away)

- wanting to fight, defend and attack (better to be curious)

- wanting to flight/run, retreat and hide (better to replace exit strategy with an entry one)

v) try a complementary approach (there are benefits of adapting to the other party's negotiating style when dealing with difficult people; this includes your body language; show respect, understanding and deference; use a questioning approach to explore a win-win solution

This approach can be effective as you don't

- try to dominate to get the upper hand, ie take a hardline position from the start

- use a competitive approach, ie 'I win, you lose', 'fight fire with fire', ie
"...When someone makes tough demands, threatens to walk away, and seems uninterested in our own interests, we become offended and irritated, and tend to respond in kind. As a result, tensions escalate into conflict, an impasse is the likely result. The challenge when dealing with difficult people and working with difficult people is to find ways to avoid being caught up in this competitive trap......escalatory spiral..."

Thus

"...we can all benefit from assessing the negotiating style of our counterpart and seeking a communication style which compliments and harmonises with theirs..."
Kate Shonk, 2022

Summary

"...Find out what your opponent wants and begin to build a case for why your solution meets her(his) needs. If you're successful, you can turn your adversaries into your partners..."
Susan Hackley, 2013

Use the concept of 'going to the balcony' or 'taking a helicopter view'. This means stepping back and allowing time to gather your thoughts, etc so that you can look at the situation more objectively.
"...This sense of psychological distance can give us the clarity we need to identify the motives behind unfair tactics and avoid responding in kind..."
Kate Shonk, 2022