“Regret-to-Learning” Coaching Script

Introduction

This script is designed for F2F or 1:1 conversations with staff experiencing regret during organisational change.
It follows a psychologically safe, future-focused dialogue flow.

It is designed to help employees move from regret to insight to constructive action, without dismissing their emotions or reinforcing blame.

1. Opening the Conversation (Psychological Safety)

Leader:
“Thanks for meeting with me. I would like to understand what is been on your mind about the change. This is a space for honesty, curiosity and support.”

Leader Prompts:

• “How have you been feeling about the change recently?”
• “Is there anything you have been second-guessing or regretting?”
• “What part of the change feels the hardest for you right now?”

Leader Behaviour:

• Listen without interrupting
• Avoid judging or explaining too early
• Validate emotional reactions

Acknowledging Emotion

• “That sounds frustrating.”
• “It makes sense you feel that way.”
• “Many people experience similar feelings during change.”

2. Naming the Regret (Clarifying the Trigger)

Leader:
“Let us explore that feeling of regret a little so we can understand what it is telling you.”

Leader Prompts:

• “What specific situation triggered the regret?”
• “Was it something you did, something the organisation did, or something you feel you missed?”
• “If you were to summarise the regret in one sentence, what would it be?”

Leader Behaviour:
Gently separate:

• Facts
• Assumptions
• Interpretations

Normalise:
“Regret often shows up when things are uncertain or moving fast.”

3. Exploring the Meaning (From Emotion to Insight)

Leader:
“Regret often highlights something important. Let us see what message it might be giving you.”

Leader Prompts:

• “What does this regret tell you about what matters to you?”
• “Is the regret about the past, the present, or the future?”
• “What concerns or hopes sit beneath the regret?”

Leader Behaviour:
Help staff uncover:

• Values (eg, quality, fairness, stability, etc)
• Unmet expectations
• Personal standards
• Perceived missed opportunities

Reframe:
“Regret can be a sign of high standards and care. That is valuable.”

4. Identifying What Can Still Be Influenced (Control & Agency)

Leader:
“Let us look at what is still within your control now.”

Leader Prompts:

• “What part of this situation can you influence today?”
• “What choices do you have going forward?”
• “What conversations could help clarify or resolve this?”

Leader Behaviour:
Shift the employee from:

• Rumination (“I can’t change the past”)
  to
• Agency (“Here’s what I can do next”)

Reinforce:
“We can’t redo the past, but we can shape the next steps together.”

5. Moving Toward Learning (Constructive Reframe)

Leader:
“What can this experience teach you that would strengthen how you approach similar situations in the future?”

Leader Prompts:

• “Looking back, what would you do differently next time?”
• “What insight have you gained from this experience?”
• “How might this learning help you or the team going forward?”

Leader Behaviour:
Emphasise learning, not blame.
Reinforce capability and improvement.

Reframe:
“This is not about fault — it’s about growth.”

6. Creating Forward Momentum (Action & Support)

Leader:
“Let’s turn this insight into forward momentum.”

Leader Prompts:

• “What’s one small step you can take this week to move forward?”
• “What support do you need from me to take that step?”
• “What would help remove any remaining barriers?”
• “How will you know you’re moving in the right direction?”

Leader Behaviour:

• Co-create a realistic, small action
• Offer practical support (clarity, training, resources, time)

Reinforce:
“I’m here to support you while you take this forward.”

7. Closing the Conversation (Confidence & Commitment)

Leader:
“Thanks for being open in this conversation. You’ve identified some really useful insights.”

Leader Summaries:

• Reflect back the key learning
• Reinforce strengths shown during the conversation
• Confirm next steps and supports

Leader Close:
“I appreciate your honesty and the thought you’ve put into this. Let’s reconnect in a couple of weeks to review how things are progressing.”

Optional Script Add-Ons

• If the employee is highly emotional:

“I can hear how heavy this feels. Let’s slow down and unpack it gently.”

• If the employee blames themselves excessively:

“It’s normal to feel regret, but let’s focus on what can be learned, not on self-criticism.”

• If the employee blames the organisation:

“I hear your frustration. Let’s explore what part of this you can influence now, and what I can support you with.”

• If the employee feels stuck:

“Let’s identify the smallest, easiest next step — even a tiny shift helps create momentum.”

(main source: Michelle Gibbings, 2025p)