More on Regret
Introduction
Regret is an emotion that arises when a person believes that a different past decision or action would have produced a better outcome.
It involves:
- Counterfactual thinking (“If only I had…”)
- Self-evaluation (judging one’s own choices)
- Sense of loss (lost opportunities, status, certainty)
- Emotional discomfort (sadness, frustration, disappointment, guilt, etc)
Psychologically, regret is a learning-oriented emotion: it highlights gaps between what we expected and what occurred. It can be constructive (reflection, improvement) or destructive (rumination, paralysis), depending on how it is managed.
Change triggers uncertainty, risk and multiple paths forward. This creates many opportunities for regret:
During the Change:
- “I should not have supported this change.”
- “I should have spoken up earlier.”
- “We should have kept the old system.”
After Implementation:
- Leaders may regret poor communication, slow responses or ineffectual planning.
- Staff may regret resisting the change or not engaging sooner.
- Teams may regret missed innovation opportunities or time wasted.
Because change involves loss (status, routines, control, etc) and choices, regret becomes a natural emotional by-product.
How Regret Affects Behaviour in Change
1. Positive (Functional) Effects
If managed well, regret can:
- Motivate learning: it encourages better decisions in the future.
- Increase engagement: people want to avoid the same mistake.
- Strengthen accountability: individuals take ownership of outcomes.
- Improve innovation: teams re-design processes to avoid repeating past errors.
2. Negative (Dysfunctional) Effects
Unmanaged regret can create:
- Rumination (“we never should have signed off on this project”)
- Resistance (fear of future regret leads to risk-avoidance)
- Blame and conflict (seeking someone to blame for “the bad call”)
- Decision paralysis (fear of choosing the “wrong” option)
- Low morale and disengagement
- Revenge (can come from the desire to equalise a perceived power imbalance or shame or mental pain of being wronged)
- Grudge (a self-protection technique when you feel regret)
This blend of motivation and avoidance makes regret a powerful but delicate force in change.
Application of Regret in Change Management
1. Using Anticipated Regret as a Tool for Engagement
You can use anticipated regret — the fear of missing out on future benefits — to influence behaviour ethically:
- “If we don’t modernise now, we will lose competitiveness later.”
- “Imagine where we could be in 12 months if we adopt this platform.”
This works particularly well with:
- Technology upgrades
- Innovation programs
- Cost-saving or efficiency projects
It harnesses regret as a forward-looking motivator, not a backward-focused blame emotion.
2. Acknowledging and Normalising Regret
Leaders can reduce resistance by naming and normalising the emotion:
- “It’s natural to question whether we made the right call.”
- “Regret is normal during transitions; it doesn’t mean the change is wrong.”
This lowers defensiveness, improves psychological safety, and helps people shift from emotion → problem-solving.
3. Facilitating Constructive Reflection: move from judgment to understanding
Use facilitated sessions to turn regret into learning:
- What decision would we change if we could go back?
- What can we learn from that now?
- What will we do differently as we continue implementing?
This approach shifts the organisation from “What went wrong?” to “What can we improve next?”
NB Moving from rumination to reflection is important.
".. Rumination is a circular process that encourages negative emotions without making progress. It keeps you stewing, rehashing, and judging. Reflection, by contrast, is forward facing. It expects meaning, helps learning, and allows us to move forward..."
Michelle Gibbing, 2025p
4. Reducing Regret Through Better Decision-Making Processes
Regret is lower when people feel:
- Consulted
- Heard
- Involved in shaping options
- Aware of trade-offs
- Clear about the rationale for decisions
Thus, good change management practices (communication, involvement, transparency) directly reduce regret.
5. Supporting Individuals Through Regret
Managers should recognise signs of regret:
- Repeated references to “the old ways”
- Withdrawal or hesitation
- Blame narratives
- Perfectionism or reluctance to try new processes
Support strategies include:
- Coaching
- Reinforcing small wins
- Reframing setbacks as learning
- Providing safe spaces for honest discussion
6. Using Regret as a Cultural Learning Mechanism
When embedded into culture, regret becomes a driver of improvement:
- Post-implementation reviews
- “No blame” debriefs
- Continuous learning cycles (PDCA, agile retrospectives, etc)
- Building a growth mindset culture
This turns regret into an adaptive capacity, helping the organisation navigate change with greater resilience.
Some questions to help you evaluate how to handle the situation. “…
- What conversation needs to happen?
- What do you need to own, apologise for, or reframe?
- What are your learnings and insights from this event?
- What deliberate action(s) will you take today to move forward?
- How do these actions align with your leadership aspirations?...”
Michelle Gibbings, 2025p
Summary
Regret is a natural and powerful emotion in change. Remember
“…Regret is not a sign of failure. It's a sign that you care about your work, your impact, and the person you’re becoming. Use it as a guide, not a cage. Let it shape your leadership, not shrink it…”
When managed well, it becomes a catalyst for learning, improvement and engagement. When unmanaged, it fuels resistance, rumination and decision paralysis.
Effective change management uses regret:
- Ethically (anticipating future regret to motivate action)
- Constructively (turning past regret into learning)
- Compassionately (normalising grief and doubt)
- Strategically (designing processes that minimise unnecessary regret)
Handled well, regret becomes, not a barrier, but a pathway to smarter decisions and stronger commitment.
(main source: Michelle Gibbings, 2025p)