Some Reasons Self-Distancing Matters in Change Management
Introduction
Change brings:
- uncertainty
- ambiguity
- resistance
- heightened emotion
- threat to identity or status
- political pressure.
These conditions naturally push people into self-immersion (“fight, flight, freeze”), reducing clarity and trust.
Self-distancing gives leaders and teams a tool to step back, calm the emotional brain and regain perspective.
“…Psychological distancing helps manage emotions by stepping back from immediate reactions, enabling clearer perspective & decision-making……Practicing distancing can enhance resilience, improve problem-solving & support wellbeing by reducing stress & fostering better coping strategies…”
Alicia Nortje, 2020
Ways to do this include self-talk using third-person language & considering advice from a friend’s viewpoint, which can reduce bias & emotional intensity.
Benefits for change leaders
- Improved decision-making by gaining a different perspective
Enables evaluating options with less defensiveness and bias; by creating space, we are able to reframe the situation in more abstract terms. - Better conflict management
Creating space and reconsidering events more abstractly results in a more effective consideration of others’ viewpoints rather than reacting emotionally in a self-focused way. - Reduced resistance
Helps individuals reflect on fears and narratives driving opposition. - Higher resilience
Reduces stress by framing setbacks as temporary and solvable. - Clearer change communication
Leaders articulate messages with more neutrality and empathy. - More accurate stakeholder reading
Leaders can analyse behaviours without personalising opposition. - Boosts creativity
By moving away from a more concrete problem to an abstract problem, we can ignore some of the parameters or boundaries to find more creative solutions.
8. Help prioritise tasks
By self-distancing, better able to understand the urgency and importance of different tasks.
Self-Distancing for Leaders
Use during decision-making, crises or stakeholder pushback.
Try: “The Third-Person Technique”
Ask yourself:
- “What would Rosie advise if she was coaching another leader in this exact situation?”
- “How would an outsider interpret this conflict?”
- “What is the core issue here—not the noise?”
This reduces emotional fog and reveals root causes.
Self-Distancing for Teams
Use during workshops, change planning, or after setbacks.
Exercise: The Balcony View (from systems thinking & adaptive leadership)
Invite participants to imagine they are standing on a balcony watching the team:
- “What patterns do you see?”
- “Who is talking the most? Who is silent?”
- “Where is the change getting stuck?”
This removes blame and builds insight rapidly.
Self-Distancing During Resistance
Helps reframe emotional responses.
Reframing pathways for a resistant employee
- Immersed: “This change is too hard; leadership doesn’t get it.”
- Distanced: “If I were an observer, what would I notice I’m worried about?”
- Insight: “I’m worried about losing competence, not the new system.”
Once articulated, resistance becomes manageable.
Self-Distancing for Change Communications
Before sending a difficult message:
- Read it as if you were an employee hearing it for the first time.
- Ask: “What assumptions am I holding that the recipient doesn’t have?”
- “How would a neutral consultant rewrite this?”
This reduces unintended defensiveness.
Self-Distancing in Change Debriefs
Use after milestones, sprints or change waves.
Three questions
- “If a documentary maker filmed this change, what would they highlight?”
- “What behaviours helped us move forward?”
- “What patterns slowed us down?”
This encourages learning without shame or blame.
Self-Distancing as a Leadership Habit
Build it into rhythms:
- Weekly reflection: “What would future-me thank present-me for doing?”
- Difficult conversations: “How would the other person describe this situation?”
- Project reviews: “What story will we talk about this change in 12 months?”
The more uncertain the environment, the more valuable the technique.
(main source: Alicia Nortje, 2020)