Technique 1.226 Using Internal Family Systems, ie working with parts during change
Introduction
Aim is to help leaders understand resistance as protection and apply the 6 Fs and 8 Cs to real change conversations.
Six Fs
1. Find the part
Notice what part is activated. Example in change: “I feel defensive about this restructuring.”
2. Focus on it
Give the feeling or thought attention. “Where do I feel that in my body?”
3. Flesh out
Describe it. What does it look like, sound like, want?
4. Feel toward it
Notice your attitude toward that part. Warm or hostile?
5. Befriend
Appreciate that the part is trying to help, even if the behaviour is unhelpful.
2. Fear
Ask what the part is afraid would happen if it stopped its protective role.
Eight Cs
1. Calm
2. Curious
3. Compassionate
4. Confident
5. Courageous
3. Clarity
4. Connected
5. Creativity
Process
1. Mini-Input:
Share these 2 core ideas:
• People have “parts” that protect them. Resistance is a protector doing its job.
• Leadership from Self shows the 8 Cs: calm, curiosity, compassion, confidence, courage, clarity, connection, creativity.
Invite participants to approach dialogue with curiosity rather than judgment.
2. Individual Reflection: Identify the Part
Ask participants to think of a current or recent change where they noticed strong employee pushback.
Have them jot down:
• What behaviour did they see?
• What might that part of the employee be trying to protect?
• What fear may sit underneath?
This builds empathy prior to problem solving.
3. Paired Role-Play: The 6 Fs in Action (15–20 minutes)
Participants work in pairs and take turns as Leader and Employee.
The Leader guides a short conversation using the 6 Fs:
- Find: “What part of this change is most active for you?”
- Focus: “How do you notice it showing up?”
- Flesh out: “What is this part like? What does it say?”
- Feel toward: “How do you feel toward this part?”
- Befriend: “I can see this part is trying to help you. What is its positive intent?”
- Fear: “What is this part worried will happen if it loosens its grip?”
Additionally, use the 8 Cs qualities while asking these questions.
4. Group Debrief
Discussion prompts:
• How did reframing resistance as protection shift the conversation?
• Which of the 8 Cs felt natural and which were harder to access?
• What did you learn about the fear underneath resistance?
• How can this approach help build trust during change?
Reinforce: do not remove protective parts; reassure them through clarity, inclusion and genuine care.
Summary
The internal family systems (IFS) model proposes that the mind is not a singular entity or self, but instead is composed of multiple parts that try to keep us safe.
IFS
“…uses self-compassion to encourage buried parts of our personality to ascend, freeing memories, emotions, and previously locked-away beliefs. Not only that, it enables clients to unburden trauma, access self-energy, and form deeply satisfying relationships with themselves and others…”
Jeremy Sutton, 2022
The parts are categorised into:
“… Managers, exiles and firefighters. Managers protect by controlling daily life, exiles carry past traumas and firefighters react impulsively to distract pain…”
Jeremy Sutton, 2022
Internal Family Systems: The 6 Fs and 8 Cs
6 Fs Definition
i) Find (notice the activated part)
ii) Focus (pay attention to it)
iii) Flesh out (describe what it is like)
iv) Feel toward (notice your attitude toward it)
v) Befriend (recognise positive intention)
vi) Fear (ask what it is afraid will happen)
8 Cs of Self
i) Curiosity
ii) Calm
iii) Confidence
iv) Compassion
v) Creativity
vi) Clarity
vii) Courage
viii) Connectedness
People who engage with protective parts create safety. Safety unlocks cooperation. Cooperation accelerates change.
IFS benefits, it
“…can reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, enhance self-compassion and improve emotional wellbeing by promoting internal harmony and self-leadership…”
Jeremy Sutton, 2022