Technique 1.192                 Handling Shame

Introduction
"...shame is helpful in reminding us to be true to our values and those of the society in which we live......chain tells us when we think we have betrayed our values. Shame makes us think we are 'bad' in the eyes of others. Shame makes us want to hide or punish ourselves......shame drives us to reflect on our actions and to do the right thing..."
Indige, 2024
However, we can feel shame that is inappropriate and out of all proportions.
Some helpful responses to handle shame
- fully explore and understand what you feel ashamed about, ie put the blame where it belongs
- as shame is a social emotion you need to share it with others who you trust
- if you did something wrong, do what you can to put it right; then forgive yourself and move on
- practice self-love
- socialise, ie don't be alone
- focus on your strengths, gifts and achievements
Some questions to help handle shame
1. Describe how shame affects your life?

2. Describe how you would like it to be different?

3. Describe what happened to make you feel ashamed?

4. Find the right person, ie someone you trust, is non-judgemental, etc who you can share your thoughts on shame?

5. Describe small steps you can take to challenge your shame and affirm your goodness?

 
(source: Indige, 2024)