Conversations as Communications
Introduction
Conversations are the base for connecting with others, ie
"...conversation is a bridge that unites us brings us closer to those around us..."
Tina Fey, 2023
Sometimes we unintentionally say the wrong thing and get people off side. There are certain phrases that should not use in a conversation.
Don't use these phrases (9)
i) 'I think you'll find.....' (this is the equivalent of saying 'Shut. You're wrong'
"...It's sort of condescending and can feel incredibly dismissive when you are on the receiving end. You present yourself as a bit of a know-it-all..."
Tina Fey, 2023
Best to use more gentle word is doing carries people to see things differently, ie
"...more likely to confront differing opinions, ideas, or beliefs with tact. They also encourage others to share their reasoning behind things. So they may say something like:
- 'Have you ever considered......?'
- 'But what do you think about.....?'
- 'that's an interesting take, tell me more.....?'......"
Tina Fey, 2023)
Need to be willing to let go of your ego about always being right
ii) 'as I said before.....?' (pointing out to others that it is the second time you have mentioned this can display impatiences and the other person wasn't listening; it displays an air of superiority that doesn't mean highlighting)
iii) 'maybe I'm being stupid but......' (be careful of self-deprecation as it can negatively impact your credibility and lose respect from the listeners; better phrases to use include
"...'I've probably got this wrong....' or ' maybe I'm mistaken but........."
Tina Fey, 2023)
iv) 'well, if you ask me......' (despite the best intentions, unsolicited advice is rampant and most damaging to relationships; better to listen without judgement as people are looking to be seen and heard; need to know when to speak and when to keep your opinions to yourself)
v) 'no offence, but......' (this is followed by the words that can be described as one of the below
"...- rude
- unkind
- dismissive
- unnecessary
- tactless
- downright mean
Sometimes, all of the above..."
Tina Fey, 2023
This can make the situation worse
vi) 'obviously' (it may be obvious to you but not to others; this can downgrade the other person's ideas or feelings; similarly, words like 'clearly', 'evidently' have the same impact as 'obviously'; best to remain open to different ideas, perspectives, etc; better to remain curious and learn new perspectives that differ from their own
NB there is always more than one way of looking at a challenge
vii) 'can I do stop you there......' (this can look arrogant, disrespectful and self-centred as you are interrupting somebody else's pitch; need to
"...allow people to fully finish the train of thought and leave sufficient pauses in conversation. That way, everyone can be sure their voice is being heard..."
Tina Fey, 2023)
viii) 'the same thing happened to me, but it was 10 times worse......' (this is trying to trump somebody else's experience; better to ask them to share their details, ie realise that somebody is trying to connect with you and share their feelings of certain events and you need to respond appropriately.)
ix) 'try to look on the bright side......' (these attempts at optimism and positivity can backfire, ie appear dismissive rather than helpful; similar phrases include
"...- 'everything happens for a reason'
- 'maybe it's for the best'
- 'it could be worse'..."
Tina Fey, 2023
People need acknowledgement and support, not platitudes; it's better to encourage them to share or seek help; better comments include
"...- 'I'm here for you. If you want to talk about it?'
- 'I feel for you. Is there anything I can do?'
- 'What you need from me right now?'..."
Tina Fey, 2023)
Summary
"...Making conversations can be a minefield. It is easy to unintentionally say things that might come across the wrong way. this particularly happens whenever we speak without thinking or our egos taken over..."
Tina Fey, 2023
Need to develop self-awareness and be mindful of others)