Technique 4.9 Valued Living (living in line with one's value)
Research has shown that if you live in line with your values
"...Increased success at enacting values (ie valued living) was associated with increased positive affect and satisfaction with life..."
Lucinda Poole et al, 2022
"...living in line with our values is key to sustainable happiness. And yet, when confronted by challenging life events, we typically lose track of what matters most. This tool helps...... learn how to align with our values even during stressful episodes..."
Seph Fontane Pennock, 2023
During a time of crisis, your focus becomes increasingly on dealing with the problem and retaining a sense of control; this can result in losing track of what is most important to you. Your life
"...becomes characterised by an excessive focus on the negative, rather than living the positive..."
Lucinda Poole et al, 2022
Furthermore, there is a strong correlation between resilience and valued leading, ie
"..by engaging in the behaviour that is in line with one's values, people may cultivate a path toward resilience from stress. This tool helps people learn to live in alignment with personal values during stressful life events..."
Lucinda Poole et al, 2022
Therefore this technique helps you identify where you have lost touch with your personal values and helps you to realign with those values, ie it will help you reconnect with your values based on what is happening in your present life.
Need to focus on personal actions that will reinforce your values; these actions can be new actions, not necessarily a repeat of the past.
NB
- the inability to live in line with your values should not be regarded as a weakness
- it is not a blame game for losing connection with your values
- it is not about fixing a problem as in many cases you can't change what has happened, ie incurable disease, etc.
Steps
1. Describe, in detail, the current challenging life event
2. Identify values with which you lost touch as a result of the life event (see list below of common values)
i) Value 1
- What does it means to you?
- Why is it important to you?
ii) Value 2
- What does it mean to you?
- Why is it important to you?
iii) Value 3
- What does it mean to you?
- Why is it important to you?
NB If you nominate more than 3 values, continue on with the same questions
Examples of common values
| Acceptance Achievement Advancement & Promotion Adventure Affection Altruism Arts Awareness Beauty Challenge Change Community Compassion Competence Competition Completion Connectedness Cooperation Collaboration Country Creativity Decisiveness Democracy Design Discovery Diversity Environmental Awareness Economic Security Education Effectiveness |
Efficiency Elegance Entertainment Enlightenment Equality Ethics Excellence Excitement Experiment Expertise Exhilaration Fairness Fame Family Fast Pace Freedom Friendship Fun Grace Growth Happiness Harmony Health Helping Others Helping Society Honesty Humor Imagination Improvement Independence Influencing Others |
Inner Harmony Inspiration Integrity Intellect Involvement Knowledge Leadership Learning Loyalty Magnificence Making a Difference Mastery Meaningful Work Ministering Money Morality Mystery Nature Openness Originality Order Passion Peace Personal Development Personal Expression Planning Play Pleasure Power Privacy Purity |
Quality Radiance Recognition Relationships Religion Reputation Responsibility Risk Safety & Security Self-Respect Sensibility Sensuality Serenity Service Sexuality Sophistication Spark Speculation Spirituality Stability Status Success Teaching Tenderness Thrill Unity Variety Wealth Winning Wisdom |
(source: Lucinda Poole et al, 2022
3. Reconnecting with your values (based on the values identified in step 2, Identify actions that you need to take to reconnect with your values, ie
- What can you do now to reconnect with your values?
- What actions will allow you to be, as much as possible, the person you want to be under the current circumstances?
i. Value 1
List actions
ii. Value 2
List actions
iii Value 3
List actions
4. Taking action to reconnect (start with the action that is currently the most feasible or attractive)
An example of responses made when applying this technique
"...Step 1: Describe the challenging life event
I recently lost my job.
Step 2: Identify core values
i. Value: care
What it means to me: to take care of important others, such as my son and wife
Why it is important to me: because I want the people I love to be safe and happy
ii. Value: financial independence
What it means to me: to be able to buy the things I want and need without relying on others
Why it is important to me: I do not want to be financially dependent on others because it greatly reduces my feelings of freedom and creates a sense of indebtedness.
iii. Value: learning
What it means to me: to develop myself
Why it is important to me: I am eager to learn new things, as this allows me to feel young and alive.
iv. Value: inner peace
What it means to me: to feel balanced and at ease
Why it is important to me: I feel happiest and strongest when I experience a sense of emotional stability.
It allows me to make wise choices and genuinely connect with others.
Step 3: Consider actions for valued living
Value: Care
. I will actively search for a new job so that I will be able to provide for my family as soon as possible again
. I will try to manage my emotions as well as possible so that my kids and wife will not be affected by my stress.
Value: Financial independence
. I will explore options to cut our expenses so that we can remain financially independent for as long as possible during unemployment.
Value: Learning
. I will talk to others who have also faced unemployment to learn how they dealt with it.
? I will search for vacancies in related fields, and I will invest time to re-educate myself to find a job in a related field if necessary.
? I will keep reading and developing myself, even if it is not at work.
Value: Inner peace
? I will take enough time to rest to prevent becoming overwhelmed by the stress of my unemployment.
? I will meditate to stay connected to my feelings and needs..."
Lucinda Poole et al, 2022